Happily Single???

Journey to your inner First Lady- daily thoughts with Tatia M. Harris

When my father retired, he had cards made with his contact information and the words “Happily Retired.” I wonder… is it possible to be “Happily Single?”

After a few failed relationships in which I take ownership of bad judgment and decision making, I decided to make a list of conditions and characteristics in a man I had to have in order to enter another committed relationship. I also decided to keep the requirements between me and God, that way I’ll know for certain if a certain someone is right for me.

Am I being picky or unreasonable? I don’t think so. I made up the list during a period in which I was sure that emotions or loneliness wouldn’t get in the way; I can periodically check the list and remind myself to use caution before jumping into the sea of love again. And for me the demands are nothing spectacular but go to the core of what I want and need … and deserve from a significant other. In the meantime there is a lot to like about being single and I may as well like it because it just may be that I stay this way.

So, just as I become confident with going places by myself( I am my best movie date), learn to fix things around the house and handle any and every situation alone (I’m still working on being adept at cars) and become content with my single-self, I had a funny conversation with a male friend.

As a free-lance writer I often go to events covering a story for a publication, it could be a ritzy dinner and dance, a football or basketball game, a concert, a political rally or press conference, most of the time I go by myself … and have a good time.
The affairs are a good opportunity to meet new and interesting people- not to mention the perks of having front row seats and back-stage access at prime sporting venues and performances.

I mentioned to my friend that I ran into a mutual acquaintance at an event, this mutual acquaintance never fails to flirt outrageously with me, and I was making jokes about it. My friend proceeded to drop a bombshell on me.

According to my friend the reason said acquaintance always flirts with me is because I attend events alone. Apparently, and I quote “You are a limping antelope and the wolves and the lions smell blood and are closing in for the kill.” My friend said that when an attractive woman attends events alone she is either: A-lonely and desperate, B- has a man that is not doing his job right or can’t be brought out in public or C- a lesbian.

I started laughing and asked, “Why can’t I just be comfortable with myself?”
My friend informed me that while that is okay sometimes, occasionally I need to be seen in the company of a man … even if it’s only for escort purposes. This will keep the lions and wolves at bay and I won’t appear quite so … lonely.

So I have to ask myself if I mind that by going places alone I may appear to be lonely and desperate…. (Do I hear Bobby Blue Bland singing in the background??? “If You think you’re lonely noooooow, wait untillllll tonight guuuurrrrl…..”)

Or do I want to continue to be that confident, strong, empowered women who is not only comfortable in her skin…but loves the skin she’s in? I think that if I am going to be true to myself..and learn from past mistakes, I have to stick to the list. I’ll be honest, sometimes it would be nice to have a companion to hang out with…but I am not going to settle just because I’m feeling a little down or because of other people’s perceptions.

I was trying to find another word for lonely for this journal entry, so I looked it up in the thesaurus and here is what turned up: abandoned, alone, by oneself, friendless, desolate, single, unattended, uncherished, secluded, unsocial, longing for companionship, destitute.

Damn!! I looked around, that’s not me is it?????

The answer is NO, it’s not……. In fact, I’m covering another big shindig tomorrow night that will feature top political candidates and office holders at a big fundraiser…. I have just the stunning dress…and killer shoes, lipstick and shiny lipgloss and look forward to another evening of meeting, networking and talking to interesting people.

As for the wolves and lions?? Keep drooling baby……. And by the way that’s not a limp you see…..it’s a swagger.

Until tomorrow, find your blessings and give thanks for them!

Tatia